101 ways to bother Professor Snape
by Sora the Storm Goddess
Summary: Title says it all. List of what you can do to get him pissed off!


**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter in anyway shape or form. Except for his royal sexiness Draco Malfoy!.**

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101 ways to Bother Professor Snape

**1.** **Constantly remind him that shampoo is a gift**

**2. When in class raise your hand and ask "Where did you get that dress?"**

**3. Ask him if you can see his death mark.**

**4. Charm his hair bright pink**

**5. Get a random Spike Jones song stuck in his head.**

**6. Sing "My Heart Will Go On." at dinner and dedicate it to him.**

**7. Sneak into his rooms at 2 O' clock in the morning and jump on his bed shouting "Its time to rise and shine Professor!" then run like mad dodging death spells.**

**8. Sharpie-pen Harry Potter style glasses on his face while he is asleep.**

**9. Bring a Mariachi band to class and claim that it helps you concentrate.**

**10. Mess up your potion and when he inspects it ask "Do I need detention?" with a hopeful look on your face.**

**11. Rig your potion so when he comes to look at it, it blows up in his face. as he comes vack up with a black face say "Hey Professor it matches your hair!"**

**12. Get up early then charm his room to have pink lace, doillies, and kittens all over it. (Professor Umbridge style)**

**13. Spread roumors about a vacation in the alps involving a certain Potions Professor and a certain Dark Lord.**

**14. Follow him around the halls mimicking his scowl then when he turns around smile sweetly.**

**15. Buy him a GIANT Valentines Day card, a heart shaped box of chocolates, a teddy bear and a dozen roses. On the inside of the card write "My dear Professor, You have inspired me to be all that I can and much more. Thank you, Love, Draco." Then watch as Draco denies it.**

**16. When he goes outside usher him back inside quickly muttering something about how the neighbors would be upset about the ornate lawn decorations.**

**17. Create fake Marauders Maps and distribute them throughout the school, tell ing the holders to look suspicious when Snape's around.**

**18. Create a sock puppet name it Snivellus and take it to class with you.**

**19. When Snape is lecturing yell about how he is "disrupting Snivellus's nap"**

**20. Charm his quill to sing Barneys "I love you" song whenever it is used.**

**21. Confess your undying love for him at dinner.**

**22. Use your wand to sneakily shove quills up Draco's nose while Snape's back is turned.**

**23. Put wanted posters around school that have Snape's picture on it and put "Wanted for thowing a tea party with you-know-who."**

**24. Grab Hermione Granger go up to Snape and ask "We found a witch may we burn her?"**

**25. Knock on his door at midnight and yell "Bring out your dead!" Before running for your life. (Death Eaters have a lot of those right?)**

**26. Randomly start singing and dancing in class to "Mr. Roboto."**

**27. Ask him "Did you have a girlfriend? Like ever?"**

**28. Right after detention, look at the clock and say "Aren't you late?" When he glares at you, just shrug, get ready to bolt and say "I thought you had a date with Belatrix."**

**29. Tell him you think he should prusue his career further and become a Muggle High School health teacher.**

**30. After he gets you in trouble, and wants to blame it on someone, smile sweetly and say, "Don't worry, you tought me everything I know."**

**31. Read a muggle news paper in class then randomly shout out, "You know Professor? Your horoscope says that you are amazingly compatable with Harry Potter."**

**32. Shout in class, "Professor Snape, you have the emotional range of a teaspoon! Your even worse than Ron!"**

**33. Tell him that you once saw a parot break a peanut with its beak and you wonder if he could do the same with his nose. **

**34. Ask him if he's so good with potions then why dosn't he make a love potion and get married?**

**35. Ask him after class if he knows any good love potions.**

**36. Compare his hair to your sisters.**

**37. Stop in the hall when you see him, look at him with huge eyes and yell "HOBO!" Before bolting in the opposite direction.**

**38. Charm his couldron to spit out anything he puts in it.**

**39. Transfigure his potion ingredients to jelly beans.**

**40. Levitate Snape upside down and ask why his hair doesn't fall down.**

**41. In class charm in robes into a Swan Lake ballerina outfit. Complete with lacey bow.**

**42. Charm his ink to randomly create rainbow spectrums.**

**43. Whenever he looks at you wink and smile knowingly.**

**44. Randomly in class gasp and when they ask what's up say, "Now I know why your nose is so big! It's so when he squirts whipped cream in his mouth is comes out his nostrels."**

**45. During class, raise your hand and when he calls on you, give him a skeptical look and say, "Oh my gosh, your robe SO makes your hips look big!"**

**46. After that last comment smile and say "It's okay though...it matches your nose."**

**47. Ask im if you can borrow his nose for your Halloween costume.**

**48. Offer to set him up with your Great Aunt.**

**49. Ask why the contours of his fingers and his nostrels fit so well together.**

**50. Ask if the Burtie Bott bogger bean tastes like the real thing.**

**51. Get a group of friends together and when ever he says the word "It" yell out "Ne" and start screaming.**

**52. Charm an ingredient he is usuing furing demonstration to scream and complain when he attempts to use it.**

**53. You and your friends dress up like Munchkins and sneak into his room while he's asleep, and softly sing, "Ding Dong the Witch is dead", until he wakes up then scatter screaming "Its Alive, Its Alive!!!" And run around like maniacs, messing up his room in the process.**

**54. Tell him his myspace profile needs to be updated and when he says that he dosn't have one tell him "Oh so you didn't upload that picture of yourself wearing the santa suit?"**

**55. At night get a group of friends together and levitate snape out of his room onto the school lawns, start a bonfire then dance around him singing "Ding Dond the Witch is dead."**

**56. Transfigure his quil so that every time the treis to write hi name he writes rhyming words instead EX: Professor Severus Ape.**

**57. When in class bring a live toad then look at it then back at Snape, keep doing it until he askes what you are doing then say, "You know you two have an uncanny resemblance. Are you two related?"**

**58. Prior to the last comment when it croaks say "He even sounds like you! Are you positive your not related because I mean come on! He looks like you, sounds like you and even smells like you!"**

**59. When he evaluates your potion in class say, "Back away! The recipie didn't call for maggot breath!"**

**60. Charm the backside of his robes invisible so when he turns around to write instructions his rear end shows.**

**61. Repeatedly project Potter Puppet Pals from your wand on the wall, then start singing it or quoting it.**

**62 . Charm his wand to say "Oh yeah baby!" Whenever it is pulled out of his pocket. **

**63. Charm his windows to start a loud rendition of "Singing in the Rain" when anything wet touches it.**

**64. Send him howlers in class to sing him random love poems.**

**65. Charm his table to move when ever he moves toward it.**

**66. Annonymously send him a remeberall and a condom for his birthday**

**67. When you walk out into the light scream "It burns! It burns!"**

**68. Present Snape with a rat and then say "You know how pets are like their owners?" and then run away.**

**69. When he walks into a room yell out "Wow your stench could clear a county!"**

**70. Pretend to be studying, but when Snape comes near, look up and point to your nose a few times then say "Have you ever tried yourself at swordfish fighting?"**

**71. Start conversations (in Snapes hearing range) about previous D.A.D.A. teachers and how no one could fill their shoes.**

**72. Crotche a tea cozy n the shape of Snape's profile then give it to him.**

**73. Ask him what the Revolutionary War was like.**

**74. Ask him whatever happened to the green dress, the moth-eaten volture, and the lovely little red handbag then run off laughing.**

**75. Raise your hand in class and ask "Do you want to see the Scarriest thing on Earth?" even if he says no conjure a mirror in front of him.**

**76. Offer to set him up with Moaning Murtle.**

**77. Hide under his bed and when he come in to sleep start snoring loudly.**

**78. Apparate in and out of his room every 5 seconds.**

**79. Assign Kreacher as his personal maid complete with outift.**

**80. As you are walking through the halls and see him pint and scream "IT'S MICHEAL JACKSON!" then run.**

**81. When he walks into class have all the Gryffindors start singing "Thriller."**

**82. Shave his head, then refer to him as "Dr. Evil"**

**83. Appoint yourself Mini-Snape and follow him around everywhere, when he turns do the finger to the mouth thing and grin evily.**

**84. Buy a metal cross and whenever he comes near you hold it up and scream "Begone Demon!"**

**85. Throw water on him and when he just stands there say "Damn it! You were suppose to melt!"**

**86. Charm the dungeon gates to sing the Indiana Jones theme when opened.**

**87. Let off Party Poppers in his face whenever the urge strikes you.**

**88. Anytime he enters a room, insist on entering first and announcing him grandly.**

**89. In these announcements, fake a trumpet noise and give him an equally fake drumroll.**

**90. Encourage him to "Think happy thoughts"**

**91. Whack him in the arm and say "Mosquito" every few minutes.**

**92. Teach him to steeple his fingers, lean back and say "Eeeexcelent."**

**93. When he pulls out his want (to most likely kill you) say "Aww, look, Snape's got a Twiggie!" then point and laugh.**

**94. In class throw a live slug at his face and start a "Slug fight."**

**95. Charm Snape's Cauldron to have Snape's face and talk back to him.**

**96. Tell him that a pack of fluffy were-wolves are after him.**

**97. Prior to telling him about the were-wolves, go to his room and scratch, pound, and howl on his door all night long.**

**98. Charm his robe into a flower pattered dress during class.**

**99. Safety pin his undies to the Great Hall's candles.**

**100. Charm the Great Hall candles to move and say "I love you Snape!" at the end of the year. **

**101. Transport the Giant Squid to his bathtub.**

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**Thanks to all who inspired this and helped with this. A big thanks to my guardian Angel, Natisha, for helping and contributing. Also to my buddie Josh for also contributing. I hope we can keep wasting time that this during sunday school! Well, I'm signing off,**

**Sora-chan **

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